a thousand words

Friday, May 28, 2010

CHRIS BROWN GETS ASS KICKED BY CORPSE OF IKE TURNER!

FAMED MUSICIAN GETS OUT OF GRAVE
TO DELIVER A CELEBRITY SMACKDOWN.


LOS ANGELES – Court-watchers and media were shocked when singer Chris Brown was attacked after his arraignment on charges that he assaulted pop diva Rhianna. More shocking is the identity of the attacker: deceased musician, Ike Turner. Turner who died in 2007 climbed out of his grave to “beat some sense into this little punk.”

As the world knows, Chris Brown allegedly battered pop singer Rhianna sending her to a hospital emergency room the night of the Grammy Awards in Los Angeles. Since then, the media has been on fire with speculation of his motivation and their apparent reconciliation.

Turner, now a walking zombie from hell, told reporters that he’s been punished severely for the abuse he leveled on singer Tina Turner, made famous by the film What’s Love Got To Do With It? and he just wanted to help Brown with his problem. “When a man beats a woman like that, the only thing he understands is a similar ass whuppin’” said Turner’s corpse. “I’m not attacking Chris Brown, I’m just talking to him in his native language.”

That “language” ironically resulted in Brown being rushed to the same hospital emergency room as Rhianna. Brown received multiple injuries, including severe lacerations to his rear end. Apparently, Turner’s bones are so brittle, that he actually broke off a foot in Chris Brown’s ass.

Brown’s representatives were outraged and called for Turner to be arrested. But when police arrived, Turner’s lawyer, Gloria Allred, stopped them by pointing out that Turner is not alive and therefore the law does not apply to him. Turner allegedly taunted police by yelling "Whatcha gonna do bitches, shoot me?"

People generally praised Turner for the action, noting that he’s only trying to redeem himself in the afterlife. One onlooker was also impressed by Turner’s fighting ability, quipping: “That brutha kicks butt like a six-legged man in an ass factory.”