a thousand words

Friday, May 28, 2010

INTERVIEW WITH SASHA FIERCE


IN A EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW, BEYONCE’S
FIERY ALTER-EGO SETS THE RECORD STRAIGHT AND DROPS BOMBS ON HOLLYWOOD.


By Ronnie Dyson, Musical Alter Ego Interviewer.

HOLLYWOOD – Sasha Fierce is coming out. I obtained an exclusive interview with Sasha, Beyoncé Knowles’ alter ego and artist responsible for the CD I Am Sasha Fierce. Since the Obsessed star confessed to having a wild, uninhibited side to her, everyone has been waiting to hear from that personality. Well, the wait is over.

I met Sasha in L.A. at Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles on Sunset and Gower. She was wearing a black hoodie and some skin tight black jeans. She gave a shout to the kitchen staff in Spanish and then ordered a half chicken and three waffles. I settled in for our chat.

RD: So Sasha, what would you like the people to know about you?

SF: First, that Beyoncé is trippin’ like a three-legged cripple. She’s the damned alter ego. I’m the real bitch.

RD: So, you’re saying that she’s just--

SF: A figment of my goddamned imagination, right. See, it’s what you call a metaphysical notion. You know, like did Whitney become a crackhead or did the crackhead become Whitney? It’s some deep ass shit, like The Wire.

RD: So, I take it you don’t like Beyoncé?

SF: Look at me. Do I look like I’d roll with that goody-goody chick? Sasha gets her drink on, Sasha gets her party on and if the clock strikes twelve and somebody ain’t smacking my ass, Hell done froze over, ya heard?


RD: But Beyoncé does have style, don’t you agree?

SF: No, I do not. She swagger-jacked me! Them rags she be rockin’ ain’t fashion. That’s some “I’m-wearin’-this-because-
I-have-to-fit-in” shit. And she need to watch what she eats. I can eat anything I want but if Beyoncé gains another ten pounds, her driver's license picture is gonna say "continued on other side."

RD: What about Destiny’s Child? What part did you have in that?

SF: Why you bring up them? Don’t be askin’ Sasha about old stuff. Would you ask Obama about a dump he took last month? Would you question L’il Wayne about his first joint? No. So don’t sweat me about them historic heifers.

RD: Okay, then what about Jay-Z?

SF: What about that fool? That’s her (Beyoncé’s) thing not Sasha’s. Don’t no man own me. That’s like a fish claiming the ocean. Jigga need to keep on swimming.

RD: I take it you don’t believe in monogamy?

SF: Hell naw. One man? Shit, the only thing one man can do for Sasha is open the bedroom door for the next man.

RD: So I hear you’re mad at white celebrities adopting black babies.

SF: I’m glad you asked me about that ‘cause folks need to know how I feel. Beyoncé been going around spreading love about all this white folk adopting black babies but Sasha Fierce ain’t with it.

RD: Can I ask why?

SF: Cause the shit is whack. It’s like “Oh, look at me! I’m such a good person I adopted this African baby that my Mexican nanny is going to raise.” Then everybody starts doin’ it. Black people ain’t no fad. You like fads? Do the Macarena and pass on the Negro adoption, okay?

RD: So, you doubt their sincerity?

SF: Yeah. Madonna? What the hell is her problem? If she likes black babies so much why not get one from right here? Why go all the way to Africa? Oh that’s right THEY AIN’T FOR SALE IN AMERICA, BITCH!! Man, I wanna smack her until she sings good again.

RD: I guess Brad Pitt and Angelina are ass out too.

SF: Yo, they are ca-razy with it! They got black, white and Asian babies. Them damned kids look like the flag of Uganda! And Angelina, you ain't foolin' me. You got big lips, a bunch of babies and you put the punany hex on Brad. You a sistah. Case closed.

RD: And I hear you feel sorry for Janet Jackson?

SF: Definitely. She struggling now and it all started with showing a boob! That’s bullshit. It ain’t like she showed her brown betty, you know. There’s a lot of other shit on TV that’s scary. Like Seal. What’s up with his face? He looks like one of them big dudes from Lord Of The Rings. I saw him at a party once and I waved and smiled but I was thinking “Yo, shouldn’t your ass be after Mr. Frodo, nigga?”

RD: Damn, well you certainly are outspoken. Do you have any closing words?

SF: I just want people to know that when they see Beyoncé that they are really seeing me. And no matter how nice she is, Sasha Fierce is waiting. Believe that.