a thousand words

Friday, May 28, 2010


A Last Minute Clause Insertion
Into The Historic Bill Allows Congress To
"Punish Stupidity In All Fifty States."

WASHINGTON D.C. - Lawmakers, lobbyists and political backers were stunned after The Health Care And Education Affordability Reconciliation Act Of 2010 (HCEARA) was signed last week. The bill was voluminous and apparently during reconciliation, a Democrat inserted a section that makes all forms of stupidity illegal.

Section 1412, Subtitle E of the HCEARA reads as follows:

Section 1412 - For the public good, Congress shall make all laws necessary and proper to eradicate stupidity in all states of the Union. This includes the outlawing of businesses, political parties and the immediate punishment of any individuals it deems champions of stupidity.

This last minute insertion has caused a firestorm of controversy. There was a flurry of back room deals and political maneuvering as the newly formed "Federal Bureau Against Dumbness fell on Tea Party demonstrators who were arrested wholesale and put into prison without trials. The apartment complex on J street housing DC's ultra-conservative and notorious "Family" was raided by FBAD agents and several people were injured.

Fox News has been taken off the air and commentator Glen Beck was severely beaten with the severed head of radio host Rush Limbaugh encased in the skin of Ann Coulter.

Republican lawmakers have cried foul noting that only their brethren have been effected by the new law. They could not, however, explain why the so-called "Blue Dog" Democrats were all arrested and slapped around by a group of Samoan women.

Former governor Sarah Palin held a press conference and stated: "This law is unconstitutional and an affront to the freedoms we hold dear." The audience was stunned as a squad of FBAD officers refused to arrest Palin saying that the law was against stupidity not insanity.

President Obama refused to comment on the arrests and would only say that for Republicans "reading should be fundamental."
Steele: Guamite

Michael Steele, Chairman of the RNC quickly moved the party headquarters to Guam, noting that the new law only covered states. "We didn't really know where Guam was," said Steele. "But we eventually found it. And we will definitely be fighting back against this tyranny, as soon as we find out where they keep the electricity here."

No one knows who the Democrat was who spiked the bill. But former comedian Senator Al Franken (D. Minn.) volunteered to head a committee to find the culprit.

FBAD has published a list of targets on its website.

The FBAD TOP 10 Champions Of Stupidity:

  1. That Congressman who yelled "You Lie!"

  2. The Kardashians.

  3. The guy who spit on a Congressman.

  4. Sandra Bullock's husband.

  5. Secessionists, racists and Birthers.

  6. People who watch Dancing With The Stars.

  7. Governors who sue against the HCEARA.

  8. People who have bible quotes on their Facebook page but their FB picture is in a bikini, lingerie or shirtless.

  9. Supreme Court Justices who would entertain a lawsuit against the HCEARA.

  10. Anyone who doesn't think this is funny.