a thousand words

Friday, May 28, 2010



By G. Hardwick Socio-Political Analyst

ATLANTA – America has long needed a cure for the tired two-party system. The Republi-crats and the Dem-ublicans have ruined our once-proud freedom-based country with their greed and lies.

But once again, African Americans have come to the rescue. We now have a popular party:
The Light-Skinned Party.

Recently, in my hometown of Detroit there was an advertised “Light-Skinned” Party. And just this weekend in Atlanta, there was a “Dark Skin versus Redbone” party, hosted by a big-booty model.

This is change we can believe in.

In our community, there still exists the notion that light-skinned people are better looking, smarter, and more prosperous. More to the point, they are thought to be better because of their mixed blood and closeness to white people, who are of course, better than black people. (See, e.g., Obama, Barrack Hussein and Sure! Al B)

Finally, black people are unified on something besides, booty-shakin’ and down-low activities. We should use this new interest to force debate in the political sector.

The Light Skinned Party (LSP) should elect representatives who question authority
and bring about change. How about universal light-skinned health care or light-skinned gay marriage and how about we bring the light-skinned troops home? The dark troops are probably better fighters and think of the money we'll save on that black camouflage face paint.

Our system is broken. We gave away a trillion dollars but we can't fix education. We started two wars but we can't provide health care as good as other civilized countries. We need a revolution and if it's lighter than a paper bag, then so be it!

Now, I know what you’re thinking. This is bad, man. It’s based on the aftermath of slavery and the use of colorism to keep black people from unifying. But lets be honest. There’s light and dark brown in the Latino community. There’s Asian versus Euro-Asian feature problems (See Ling, Lisa). There’s a version of this in every ethnic group, including white people (See, Hilton, Paris)

So, we should embrace it and make some lemonade. You want to split hairs over color or do you want light-skinned G-8 Summit compliance and light-skinned tax reform?

If you are waiting for the serious part of this note, give it up. This is so ri-goddamned-diculous that I can’t even find the switch to turn off my snarky-ironic-cynicism.

Somebody stop me before I satirize again!