a thousand words

Friday, May 28, 2010



I know a lot of actresses. Some are famous, most are not. And I have a special place in my heart for minority actresses who as I often point out are being disregarded in my profession.

There is, however, an even more upsetting phenomenon of late that has set back all actors and that is the sudden popularity of the non-talented celebrity. You know what I mean. Reality show divas, big-bootied “video” queens and “models” who mostly squat in thongs.

It is the rise of the Ass-Tress.

Unlike an act tress, an ass-tress masquerades as a talented person but really she's just a fake, looking for fame and a fast buck because she was born pretty, wealthy or into a famous or infamous family.
Ass-tresses: Hardly Workin'

The media, the biggest whores of all, likes these women because they don’t have to pay them for their talent because, you know, they don’t have any. They can use them to sell fake shows and they in turn come out with perfume, bras and wig lines. I don't know about you but I don't want to smell like a housewife from New Jersey. Asstresses give hope to every woman who thinks because guys hit on them that they are special and should be on TV.

Andy Warhol said everyone would be famous for fifteen minutes. I want to dig him up and kill his ass again because it’s starting to be true. The problem is real talented people are going unemployed because the public refuses to reject this drivel that passes for entertainment.

What is a reality show really but a contrived, mash-up of someone’s life presented with fake authenticity. Why do the Kardashians have a show? Do we remember that the father (now dead) was O.J.’s lawyer and confidant or Paris did a porno and later said it was “leaked.”
The Bachelor: 1 Man 20 Ass-tresses


They are ass-tresses. And so is Brooke Hogan, all the “Real Housewives,” and every other no-talent grinning for minimum wage.

And they are all over the “dating” shows. You know, a show where a handsome man gets to make out with sixteen women over a season then picks the one with the biggest boobs to date or marry but then he dumps her because they need a second season.

And if you notice, it is mostly women who are treated this way. I admit that there are asstors (or abstors, if you will) too but men are still the favorite sons of the business and most likely they will star in a show and a gaggle of women will be trucked in for their disposal.

No doubt some of you reading this watch these shows and even enjoy them. Ask yourself why. Why does Celebrity Rehab turn you on? Why is someone’s misery funny or interesting to you? Why do we pretend that any of these people are really feeling anything when we know it’s all fake? And what’s next? We watch the feed from public traffic surveillance cameras or stick our head into our next-door neighbors’ window while they argue? Try to "tivo" that shit.
The next TV show?

Ironically, we have some great shows on now, the kind of shows that would have been big hits when we cared about quality and we wanted our imaginations engaged. Now we just want our emotions triggered with quick short term-fixes. Asstresses and their reality shows are like digital crack, cheap, addictive and ultimately destructive.

I know what you're thinking. A scripted show is fake too. It's an actor pretending to be another person. So, what's the difference? I'm gonna tell you but (and don't take this the wrong way) some of you will not understand.

A scripted show is a work of art and art imitates life in that it portrays the truth of who we are. Actors are talented artisans who create characters to tell this truth. A reality show has non-artistic, untalented people telling a lie about who they are.

In this regard, shows likeLincoln Heights and Nurse Jackie have more reality in them than any reality show.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not against all reality shows. Only those that take jobs away from real actors and singers who practice and suffer for their art.

Actors, I am with you.

I know how hard it is and how you’re being ignored, marginalized and disregarded. This is a phase and like all fads, when it’s over we will need you again. Until then, we must all stand against "un-talent" and stop watching these shows.

I see you asstresses.

Go back to the makeup counter in Macy's where you belong.