a thousand words

Friday, May 28, 2010

SATAN SAYS PARIS HILTON AND KIM KARDASHIAN “TOO SKANKY” FOR HELL!


PARTY GIRLS REJECTED FROM WORST PLACE IN UNIVERSE.

HADES - Beelzebub ain’t feeling Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. The Fallen Angel recently looked into the future and learned that the pair are headed for Hell but he doesn’t want them.

“God has pulled some bad tricks but this takes the cake,” said Satan. "This has got that resurrection thing beaten my a mile."

The Devil thought that the two party girls would be forgiven for their sins but apparently God didn’t believe their sincerity and so He damned them to Hell.

Hilton
The Prince of Darkness was not amused. Even though he has admired the pair for advertising sin and distracting people from their lives, Lucifer has always been creeped out by the pair. “They make my skin crawl,” said the Son of Perdition, “and that’s hard when you have scales and shit.”

Old Bailey went on to ask “And why are these two losers famous anyway? All they did was have sex on the Internet. I’ve toppled nations and killed billions. I invented the The Black Death and Disco for Christ's sake. Where’s my goddamned reality show?”

Kardashian
Other denizens of Hades were not happy either. “We don’t want them hos!” said Jack The Ripper, the world's first serial killer. “We bloody well have standards.” “Yeah,” echoed Jeffrey Dahmer and Son of Sam. “At least we killed people quickly. Paris Hilton’s CD takes an hour to murder your ass.”

Others looked forward to the dynamic duo coming to eternal suffering. "I can't wait to meet Paris,"said Gengis Khan, who once killed 2 million people in an hour. "Blonde Hair is a symbol of good luck and it looks really pretty on fire."

Once God consigns you to Hell there is no going to Heaven and so the question arose as to where Britney and Paris would go if they didn’t go to Hell.

“How about Detroit?” said Satan. “I was there last week and they got my thing beat big time.”