a thousand words

Thursday, August 5, 2010


The Lucky Lad Speaks Out On Being Adopted By White People, Jesse James
and Poopy Pants

I sat down with Louis while the nanny was taking a break. He was wearing a New Orleans Saints "Who Dat" baby tee and a cloth diaper.

GH: Hello, Louis.

LB: What it do, brother?

GH: Right, it do fine.

LB: Good to hear it.

GH: So, wow quite a year for you, huh?

LB: Yeah, I thought the whole coming to life thing was big but being adopted by a celebrity? Didn't see that one coming.

GH: Do they know you can talk?

LB: Naw, I didn't wanna scare anybody. But one day, I saw those Tea Party guys on TV and I yelled out "Idiots!" and mom didn't know where it came from.

GH: So, speaking of which, how is she?

LB: She's good. She was sad for a minute but she's strong. And she smells good too, like all the time!

GH: How do you feel about the whole interracial thing?

LB: I just wanna say, all the people complaining about her being white need to shut up. Nobody's perfect. A baby is a lifetime commitment and no one who adopts one is to be criticized, except well, that Angelina lady is a piece of work. Dodged that bullet, ha ha!

GH: So I hear you only wear cloth diapers.

LB: Yeah man, I got it good, no poopy in plastic for Louis. Only the best for my No. 2. By the way I wanna apologize for making in my pants. I mean, I can talk but I got no real motor skills, kinda like that Dick Clark guy.

GH: So I hear you're already planning some kind of confab with the other black adoptees.

LB: Oh you know I am. We're gonna take over this game. Bullock, Spielberg, Pitt-Jolie, Jackman, Pfeiffer, Madonna? It's on in 2021, baby.

GH: Okay, I have to ask about Jesse James.

LB: You don't have to but go on. I got this.

GH: Okay, so would you mind being raised by him with the controversy, Nazi stuff and all?

LB: Look, not long ago I was headed for a life no one would envy, then the goodness of this woman saved me. She's got a big heart but I don't know if it's that big. But for me, I'm all about forgiveness. It's the way you know. Then again I shit my pants, so consider the source.

Copyright 2010