a thousand words

Tuesday, May 31, 2011


In The Complicated World Of Modern Relationships, There Is One Valuable Lesson For All Of Us To Learn.
I don't usually like to write about babymama (daddy) drama but since it's now the predominant status of women and men with children, I'm forced to deal with it.

Invariably, I talk to women who date men who have kids with other women. Whether single or divorced, the man has left the care of his child for reasons that usually are not justified. Just so you know, "I don't like her" is not a reason to leave your baby. Anyway, a certain phrase kept coming up in my conversations about dating people with children. Specifically, it's a comment about the man's ex, the mother of his child.

She crazy.

It seems all men with kids have a crazy ex. And the women who want to look past the problem associated with a man who got into this situation just floor me.

Just what do you think made that woman so crazy? Could it be the fact that she's been left with a lifetime commitment to carry all by her lonesome? Could it be she faced a ticking biological clock, a job and the void of eligible men and then either chose, slipped or was lured into a pregnancy with someone she thought was going to share it with her?

Now, I am not saying some women or men are not crazy. I'm saying the likelihood that all of them are is ridiculous. It's just another way men play women off each other. Another way women fool themselves into liaisons they know are sexually convenient but personally toxic.

I had a friend who was given the "she crazy" line and she bought it. Long story short, a year later, she was trying to beat this dude down in public. And what do you think that man told his new girl about my friend, you guessed it: her ass was "crazy like Jay-Z."

Think for a second, ladies. Do not be lured into that crap about how you're better than the woman he had a kid with. I do not understand why women are so sexually competitive with each other but this is a problem that now threatens our race. Try to understand the woman before you condemn her and always be suspicious of the heart of a man who can abandon a little baby.

And men, do not date a woman with kids unless you are ready to assume that whole responsibility. I don't care what she says, behind her independence, romantic need and her pride, she wants a man to help her raise those kids.

Also, do not take at face value the "worthless babydaddy" thing you're likely to hear. It might be true, but the same caution should be taken. Believe it or not, there are women who push good men out of their lives for bullshit reasons, too.

So the next time you hear this phrase, take a second and think about the greater implications of distilling a relationship that produced a child down to an indictment of two words.

She might not be crazy.

She just might be you.

Copyright 2011