a thousand words

Friday, February 15, 2013


Here's a debate we can all care about.

I stopped to talk with the iconic pair at Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles in Pasadena. These two have been trading barbs and wisdom on FB. They were just as prickly as you might expect.

ME: so what do you think the problem is with relationships these days?

BLACK BARBIE: Men. They can't get with the program. Women have changed and they have not. Simple.

BLACK GI JOE: She's right. But women haven't changed for the better.

BLACK BARBIE: What the hell does that mean?

BLACK GI JOE: It means women want too much. They want male and female power and in the end, they can't handle it.

BLACK BARBIE: Maybe we could, if the men didn't run out of the hospital after the first contraction.

BLACK GI JOE: Now that women are freely giving up the booty, there's no need to pretend like we've ever wanted committed relationships. Men don't want that shit. We only did it because it came with the sex and respectibility and kids. Well, now you can get all that without the yapping, so a lot of men figure, why bother?

ME: Damn, that's cold, dude.

BLACK GI JOE: Hey, you wrote it.

ME: BB, rebuttal?

BLACK BARBIE: First, none of that surprises me. People will always do what they want sexually. This new freedom for women is enlightenment. It's not about free ass, it's about free thinking. Men haven't adapted to a mate who isn't subservient. Thing is, we never were. We're just not pretending anymore. Money and a job isn't male power, it's survival and if we can only survive through a man, we're screwed. No, the problem is just like a woman can now work, a man can be more emotionally and psychologically supportive of his family, you know, female power. But our society looks upon that as somehow soft or gay in a man, so men reject it as a panacea to their malaise and everybody loses.

BLACK GI JOE: There she goes again with all that deep thinking and big words.

BLACK BARBIE: Truth is truth. Buy a vowel, nigga.

BLACK GI JOE: Yo, I understood you. I'm just saying men ain't got time for all that. 

BLACK BARBIE: Yeah, too busy going down on each other.

BLACK GI JOE: What the fu--

BLACK BARBIE: Been to Atlanta lately? It's gayer than the men's room at a Janet Jackson concert.

ME: Okay now, let's calm down. Joe, can men meet women half way?

BLACK GI JOE: Sure, but we won't. Women are gonna have to drop the nonsense. Be supportive and stop thinking that equality is challenging a brother. If the only way you can be equal is to take down a man, then you were never equal in the first place, ya dig. And by the way ladies, you cannot attract a man when all you do is slam us on Facebook and Twitter and you got five thousand "drunk party ho" pictures on your page. 

BLACK BARBIE: Okay you got me on that one. I even have to laugh at them chicks.

ME: Closing remarks?

BLACK GI JOE: Men are men and we're what God made us. You don't like it, take it up with Him. All we want is some comfort in our houses and a partner, mother and friend-- and you know, freaky shit on our birthday.

BLACK BARBIE: Women are the givers of life and men need to recognize the spiritual importance of that. That alone leads back to your place in life and your particular faith. God made women in some sense self-sufficient so his creation could go on. So, philosophically, you can be a woman without a man, but you cannot be a man without a woman.

ME: Words to think about. Thanks.

Copyright 2012