a thousand words

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

SUPREME COURT OUTLAWS "STRAIGHT" MARRIAGE.

In A Bizarre Set Of Events, SCOTUS Issues A Ruling Making Marriage Between Men And Women Illegal.

WASHINGTON D.C. - There has been so much attention to Affirmative Action, the Voting Rights Act and of course Gay Marriage, that no one noticed that SCOTUS quietly outlawed marriage between all heterosexuals yesterday.

In Taylorfield v. Pennsylvania Commonwealth, the court affirmed a lower court ruling that held that all marriages between men and women were invalid because none of them were working.  

The obscure case was brought by James Taylorfield who sought to end his 20 year marriage but did not want a divorce but for a court to agree that the institution was invalid as a "matter of societal fact."

Two lower court judges granted the relief thinking it was a joke.  Everyone was surprised when the Supreme Court granted certiorari. 

Justice Thomas wrote the majority opinion which had a unanimous vote of 9-0. 

"I think the Justices all thought it was a joke, said Paul Freed, a law clerk for Justice Sotomayor.  I mean it was ridiculous and it was from Justice Thomas who never writes anything.  The Justice (Sotomayor) just kept laughing as she signed off saying "Sho you right." over and over.

The court is moving to reverse the accidental ruling but in the interim, all marriage in the U.S. between men and women is invalid.

One Justice says he will not be changing his vote.  Atonin Scalia said off the record that he thinks we should keep the law. "Everyone knows marriage sucks.  So let the showtune crowd get married, see how they like it. Meanwhile, I've set all normal people free."

Scalia later denied this statement and said he loved his wife.

No one knows what effect this will have on couples in the U.S. but the Bunny Ranch in Las Vegas which deals in legal prostitution says that after the decision it was inundated with calls for reservations by men, claiming to be single and that it is booked until 2018.

©2013