a thousand words


Wednesday, October 1, 2014

My Interview With Ebola: "The Bad MotherVirus"

He's baaaack. 

The CDC confirmed that the ebola virus has been detected in a patient in Texas in the good old USA. I wanted to sit down with the virus and talk. I was a little nervous of course, so I wore a full HAZMAT suit.

ME: Hello, excuse me if I don't shake hands.

EBOLA: Oh that's so funny. Never heard that one.

ME: Sorry.

EBOLA: It's okay. It ain't easy being me.

ME: So, why come here to America after all this time?

EBOLA: First, let me tell people who I am. I am the sole member of the Zaire ebolavirus species, and the most dangerous of the five known viruses within the genus Ebolavirus. In other words, I’m a bad mothervirus. The Grim Reaper saw me and ran. I am in America because I'm tired of killing Africans. A lot of them are already half dead and shit. Where's the challenge in that? I wanna kill me some fat, healthy, Americans. 

ME: Why Texas?

EBOLA: I hate Texas.

ME: I feel you on that. But we have a cure for you now.

EBOLA: Do you? Or do rich white people have a cure? Come on man, as soon as a white man gets it, they have a cure? I ain't worried about that. 

ME: So, what's your plan?

EBOLA: The usual. I'm gonna infect a few people and while they chase them, they will soon realize that I had a sub-infection going months ago. I spread exponentially, you know and by the time they focus on this one guy, I will have infected two, four, sixteen and so on...

ME: I'm getting scared just thinking about it.

EBOLA: Yeah and that suit doesn't really protect you by the way.

ME: What?!

EBOLA: I'm just fucking with you.

ME: That's wrong, man.

EBOLA: I'm a virus, nigga. What you expect?

ME: What's next for you?

EBOLA: To fight "virus-ism." People see a virus and automatically want to kill it. I feel like a black man in a Walmart wearing a hoodie and playing his music too loud. And it's wrong. There are a lot of human beings who behave just like a virus and people don't kill them.

ME: Like who?

EBOLA: L'il Wayne. He LOOKS like a virus or at lease like he's got one. Then there's Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen, most of Congress and that bitch in Target checkout line who knows her credit card is overdrawn.

ME: Well, that's all the time we have. I can't wish you good luck but I hope I never see you again.

EBOLA: Yo, if they don’t stop this shit in Texas, you will be seeing a lot of my ass. Believe that.

copyright 2014

Thursday, September 25, 2014


Who is Amber Rose and why must I always be looking at her naked ass?

This what I asked myself after seeing this woman for the umpteenth time and realizing that like a lot of so-called celebrities, she has no discernable talent. She can’t sing dance or act or even write. She’s not even famous for doing a porno that got “leaked” by some unscrupulous black man.

Then I noticed something else. On my AT&T newsfeed, along with the stories about murder, inhumanity and fake viral videos there is always a daily list of celebrity women who wear no clothing. Seriously, there are at least three stories each day whose sole point and reason for being is some woman that wore something we can see through. “J-Lo Amazes in see-through top. You won’t believe what Rihanna wore! And Arianna Grande’s short shorts should be illegal!  And no, Arianna Grande is not a vegan drink at Starbucks. She’s a “singer.”

There is a brand new category of no-talent notoriety in the digital age. Youth and beauty are worshipped in America and we have become so shallow that now just for having those two attributes you can be on TV and all over the Internet if you are willing to be all or partially naked in public or constantly wear tight or sheer clothing.

In this regard, these women are not famous.

They are fame-ass.

FAMEASS - 1. (adj.) To have notoriety for showing your naked or partially naked body in public or private situations which are made public. 2. (noun) Ass that is attached to a famous person.

I say again that a nation’s pop culture says everything about it. What does it say that we have not only fake celebrities but men and women who are famous for being nice looking and sleeping with people and taking off their shirts or wearing ass-less chaps?

I know America is prudish by world standards but seriously; do we have to reward people for showing their pubes and areolas?  We’re even clowning Obama because Russia’s President goes shirtless.

Where is this going, people? Will we start selecting our leaders and icons by their beauty, breast size and penis girth? Don’t laugh; we’re damned near there in some people’s feeble minds. 

The Internet is slowly showing us who we are and it is harsh, ugly and endlessly fascinating. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go give a fuck about Amber Rose.

Copyright 2014 gary hardwick

Saturday, September 20, 2014


Professional Athletic Monsters 
Are  Not Born, They Are Created

Roger Goodell is not the cause of NFL player misconduct or arrogance. The reason for all of the fuckery in professional sports goes back a long time, way before Jackie Robinson, way back when the NBA was white and there were no black quarterbacks.

There is an organization that takes young boys with sports potential and puts them in a bubble where everything they do is praised and they are constantly told that they are better than other men, the rules of life do not apply to them and women are not worth the panties they are printed on.

The Jock-ocracy.
Jockocracy (`jok-ok-ray-cee) - noun 1. A group of people, organizations and corporations who conspire to protect the bad and/or criminal acts of professional athletes.
The Jockocracy is composed of public and private school coaches, high school sports leagues, the NCAA, sports agents and managers, sports writers, athletic-inspired companies, colleges, TV networks, video came manufacturers and of course, professional sports leagues. They all combine to form a billion-dollar Third Reich of asshole protection.

And the irony is they work to create these bullies, felons, rapists, wife-beaters and murders and then work just as hard to protect them--- as long as they are playing. Because as usual, it's money that drives the Jockocracy and professional sports. If Ray Rice was 37 instead of 27, Roger Goodell would have physically thrown him out of the NFL himself.

In the black community, so many athletes have come from poor and broken homes, with overwhelmed mothers and absent fathers. These kids have a gift and they are told that it will save them and their families and give them everything they want.

And of course in this world, where they are celebrities at 15, women don't rate. Women are something to be used for sex, status and having your bastard children that you beat every six weeks when you see them. And because you are a cash cow, no one will tell you it's wrong and if you get caught, they will suspend you with pay and drop you from your shoe deal-- for a year.

The Jock-ocracy is real people and it is out to get you. It wants to take your sons, turn them into arrogant, privileged dicks and then have them beat your daughters in elevators.

And oh yeah, they want to take your money while you cheer them on.

Copyright 2014

Sunday, August 24, 2014



Hands up
We hate so much in this nation to talk about slavery and yet its progeny is with us each day. And periodically, reaches out from the grave and claims lives, wreaks havoc and reminds us who the goddamned boss is. And not just black lives are lost but the lives of those who continue to work for this most malevolent of American spirits.

The town of Ferguson is a modern-day plantation, only the chains are not made of iron but of ignorance, the slave quarters are boundaries of class, color and opportunity, the big house is the state house and the discipline is not the whip but a policeman’s bullet.

If this imagery makes you nervous or angry, then really you’ve proven the point. Slavery ended only 148 years ago, barely two generations and yet we are so tired of talking about it. Western Union is older than that and they are sitting in the modern age right next to the 7-11 and Pizza Hut.

And why are we so tired of it? White people are ashamed that each day they live with the legacy of this sin and they seem to be pissed that they can't enjoy their wealth and superiority without people (black and white) reminding them that it is ill-gotten gain and myth respectively. 

Black people are ashamed of stereotypes and the sad truth at the root of some of them. And while we desperately want to be free of this stigma, we keep asking the descendants of slave owners for permission to be released. And the answer is "Sure, be free, I don't care." And then a foot is stuck out to trip you as you walk away. And then we get up, look around as if we don't know who made us stumble and ask again.

And so we run from the legacy of slavery in words, while holding on to it in actions and sentiment, hiding behind “tradition” or “culture” while the stench of it bleeds through these thin wrappings. And this is how you end up with a racially riot-torn town with a sitting Black President.

So in this time, do not look at the people who are the loudest, look at those who say nothing, do nothing and divert their interests to diversion and pretend that nothing is going on. These are the people who continue to support the plantation; only this one enslaves everyone who wants to be free of it.

Copyright 2014 

Thursday, August 14, 2014


It occurs to me in this very sad time that we keep waiting to get better.

We cry, scream yell, protest, post, tweet and argue our passion. We talk about God and quote scripture to understand why we treat each other so terribly, so often-- and so continuously.

But mostly, we wait.

We wait for someone else to do the things we know we should. We take inventory of our virtue, then count the sins of others on a separate moral spreadsheet and yet we insist that we are all in the same family of humanity.

Unarmed men and women are being killed without justification pursuant to a sin that we just plain refuse to atone for. I know it is painful but it is not an excuse; It is a fact, it is history and we can count the dead to see its reality.

We can feel time moving from dreams to miraculous innovation, taking away our icons and the innocent with equal cruelty, turning culture, love and legacy to dust, and it is painful.

And we wait.

Whitney is dead, Jordan Davis is dead, Michael Jackson is dead, Trayvon Martin, LaTasha Harlins, James and Michael Brown, Renisha McBride, Eric Garner... all gone in the wink of an eye-- the pull of a trigger.

They drop bombs in Gaza and we throw tear gas in Ferguson. They shoot down planes in the Ukraine and we mobilize military against private citizens. And we wait. We wait and give speeches calling for healing and all the shit we've heard a hundred times before.


Why are we always asked to heal? Why can't the murderers do some goddamned healing? I am so tired of hearing that empty rhetoric, tired of turning a hundred cheeks only to watch them all get slapped.

This is what's happening in Ferguson.

They are just tired of waiting.

copyright 2014

Wednesday, July 23, 2014


God's First Law Was Really 
The Only One He Needed.

I don't like to write or talk about religion and the reason is simple: most people stop thinking when it comes to religion. They fall back on superstition or bible quotes. So, before you read this, keep in mind what religion is: It is the human process by which we endeavor to understand God. It is not God, which means it is not perfect or divine. And I know you may think the bible is the divine word of God, well, it just isn't. It's the interpreted word of men.

I watch The Ten Commandments every year in part because it's a good movie and in part because I love watching white people portray Egyptians. And I like how there are actual black people in the movie who are servants and not Hebrews. And then there's Edward G. Robinson, the Egyptian from Hoboken. But my favorite part is when God tells Moses The Ten Commandments and we listen to them counted out in spectacular fashion.

All of the Commandments are good but I think that most of us don't understand the first one. It seems simple enough. "Thou shall have no other Gods before Me." So think, this was the first thing God said, His First Rule of law. He gave us life and he just wants to be #1. Seems fair and easy to do.

Well, we all break this Commandment almost every day of our lives.

Now, I'm not talking about golden calves or snake-gods. I'm talking about the supplanting of our will and judgment before that of God using the very religion which supports the law.

"But how Gary? How am I breaking God's first law every day?"

Each day we decide which sins are acceptable and which are bad. We also condemn and place our earthly judgment over that of God, withdrawing from faith as if we don't even believe in him. We also pervert and bend His Will through earthly interpretation to our own convenience.

For example, men and women agree that murder and adultery are a sin and yet both men and women continuously fornicate and lie, which are also sins. We just decided that one set of sins was worse than the others, placing our judgment above that of God who says, all sins are equal.

Here's how the conversation will go on Judgement Day:

YOU: Hey, Pete I'm here to enter Heaven.
ST. PETER: Sorry but you fornicated like, a hundred times and lied thousands of times.
YOU: Yeah but I never murdered anyone or slept with anyone's spouse. High five!
ST. PETER: Sorry, those are sins too.
YOU: Yeah but I decided that adultery and murder were worse because you know, I would never want anyone to do that to me.
ST. PETER: Uh huh. Go to Hell. It's that way. Fall in behind Congress and the reality show people.

Many Christians fight against sin in the name of God, even though these acts should be judged and forgiven by God, not men. But we decided that we should judge them because that whole "love thy neighbor and waiting for afterlife" thing doesn't make us satisfied that God's Will is being done right now while we can enjoy it. By the way, elevating the earthly realm over the covenant for the next life is also a violation of rule #1.

And then there is money, the actual god of man. We all worship money and even talk about it with the same reverence as God. Hell, God's name is on the damned money! This is the worst violation of the First Commandment. The fake money god has us all by the spiritual balls and won't let go because we won't admit it. We give money to fake ministers who build giant churches and fly around in private jets. We try to buy our way into Heaven with money and now, we are told that if we give the church money, God will give us more money, oh wait they never say that. They say you'll get "a blessing" which could be anything from money to your diarrhea going away.

Look at how money and God are the same to us:

1. You can't see God. You have to have faith. You can't see money either. The paper or the coin just represents the wealth that backs it.
2. God is powerful. Money is powerful too. Just ask any billionaire, Bank of America or the Supreme Court.
3. God is mysterious. So is money. I defy anyone to tell me what The World Bank, IMF or The Fed do and who runs it.

So some of you are all hot and bothered right now with a full clip of bible quotes ready to fire. Save it. your bible quotes mean one thing to you and 6 billion other things to the 6 billion people on Earth.

In closing, I believe the answer to all spiritual questions lies in the First Commandment. The problem is, if we practice it literally, it would bind us to a very strict pattern of behavior which would nullify just about every fun and pleasurable thing in life. If we ignore it, then oblivion looms. Somewhere in the middle, as usual, lies the right path. Putting God first really just means putting everything else second. In that sense, this was really the only law God needed. The other nine commandments could be easily interpreted from the first one. In fact,  everything in the bible is kind of a subset of this first divine law.

Brilliant, right? Well, that's why God is God.

And if you are worried about your behavior and the First Commandment, don't. Remember, God will always forgive you.

Now excuse me while I go off to consider how coveting an Ox and donkey applies to 2014.

© 2014