a thousand words

Monday, August 23, 2010



BREAKING NEWS: APPLE AND GOOGLE MAKE BIDS FOR THE N-WORD!

Two Global Corporate Titans Have Made Million Dollar Offers To Own The Most Notorious Word In The History Of America.

by Gary Hardwick on Tuesday, August 17, 2010 at 12:24pm


NEW YORK - Only days after LaSarius Green Jr.'s annouced he owned the word nigger, two business giants and arch rivals have made bids for the controversial word.
Apple Computers and Google Systems have both expressed interest in owning the word that was once awful and taboo but is now just a highly recognized brand.

Steve jobs, Apple CEO said "We here at Apple have long understood how branding is important. This word which has had a long and checkered past can now be a beacon of enlightenment nd freedom for generations to come. It just makes sense Nigger and Apple. It flows from the tongue."
Eric E. Schmidt Google Chairman and CEO is just as adamant. "Google is the brand of the future. We have added our name to the world lexicon. We will take the word nigger and make it a household phenominon. Children will be saying it before they say 'mommy' and it will be a pathway to a great future. We here at Google were once the niggers of the digital worls and look at us now. We know what it's like to have the blues and we want that word and we'll get it!"
Sources report that the offer for the word is somehwre between $25 and $75 million.

LaSarius Green Jr. owner of the word says that he is flattered but has no plans to sell the n-word. "I'm doing fine," says Green. "Hell, I might even buy a shirt."

NIGGER INCORPORATED

With A Rash Of White Celebrities Using The Forbidden Word Lately, One Man Has Made His Dream Come True By Obtaining A Copyright On The N-Word

by Gary Hardwick on Friday, August 13, 2010 at 6:59pm

HOLLYWOOD - At a table read this week producer Mark Gordon used the word nigger while doing a scene from the film Blazing Sad

dles, Dr. Laura on her program used the word nigger seven times in a five minute period, even asking why whites can't say it if blacks do? Mel Gibson famously told his estranged wife she would get raped by a pack of niggers and we all remember Michael Richard's famous rant at a comedy club.

LaSarius Green Jr. noted activist and shirtless man has been trying to copyright the N-word for ten years. This week in Superior Court he finally got his wish.

"My argument," says Green, 33, "was that white people ar

e using the word without retribution. This means it's no longer a bad word and can be used as intellectual property."

Green immediately licensed the word and started a company called Nigger Incorporated. Their motto is "Just say it."

Since the President took office, race has been percolating under everything we do. "White people have become angrier and angrier," says Green. "They don't feel superior anymore when they see a black President and the next thing you know, they yelling Nigga!" Green also pointed out that his copyright extends to nigga, nig, nugga and nucka. He also has cases pending to own spook,coon splib, spoogie, darkie, coon and jungle bunny.

Nigger Incorporated hopes to bring back some of the popular "nigger products" of the early l900's only modernized. Green has many products planned including a soft drink, a phone and a car he wants to call The Whip.

Sources report that Green is getting offers in the millions to license his new word. He also wants a royalty every time it's uttered. He says a fair fee is $12.50 per use. "Shit, Quentin Tarrantino and Samuel L Jackson gonna owe me big!" exclaimed Green.

Everyone isn't happy about this, however. "I find the N-word completely offensive," said a popular black comedian. "Also, I can't make a living if the word isn't bad. I'll have to throw out half my act." The KKK and several rap labels have also threatened to file suit if the word isn't allowed to stay offensive.

Others are quite happy about the ruling. "This is great!" said Ben Jealous, President of the NAACP, "Now we can let the "N stand for what everyone is always thinking." Also elated were many anonymous white people who said they hate how the Blacks change their name every forty years or so. "This way, we'll always know what to call them," said a New Jersey woman.

A Times CNN poll showed that 57% of Blacks favored taking the stigma out of the word while 40% said no. The other 3% are still trying to figure out if Mariah Carey and Drake are black or white.

No one can say how all this will play out but one thing's for sure. Nothing in America will be the same.

Green had some final words for people who think they can use his word without compensation.

"Nigger, please."

Copyright 2010

Thursday, August 5, 2010

INTERVIEW WITH LOUIS BULLOCK

The Lucky Lad Speaks Out On Being Adopted By White People, Jesse James
and Poopy Pants


I sat down with Louis while the nanny was taking a break. He was wearing a New Orleans Saints "Who Dat" baby tee and a cloth diaper.


GH: Hello, Louis.

LB: What it do, brother?

GH: Right, it do fine.

LB: Good to hear it.

GH: So, wow quite a year for you, huh?

LB: Yeah, I thought the whole coming to life thing was big but being adopted by a celebrity? Didn't see that one coming.

GH: Do they know you can talk?

LB: Naw, I didn't wanna scare anybody. But one day, I saw those Tea Party guys on TV and I yelled out "Idiots!" and mom didn't know where it came from.

GH: So, speaking of which, how is she?

LB: She's good. She was sad for a minute but she's strong. And she smells good too, like all the time!

GH: How do you feel about the whole interracial thing?

LB: I just wanna say, all the people complaining about her being white need to shut up. Nobody's perfect. A baby is a lifetime commitment and no one who adopts one is to be criticized, except well, that Angelina lady is a piece of work. Dodged that bullet, ha ha!

GH: So I hear you only wear cloth diapers.

LB: Yeah man, I got it good, no poopy in plastic for Louis. Only the best for my No. 2. By the way I wanna apologize for making in my pants. I mean, I can talk but I got no real motor skills, kinda like that Dick Clark guy.

GH: So I hear you're already planning some kind of confab with the other black adoptees.

LB: Oh you know I am. We're gonna take over this game. Bullock, Spielberg, Pitt-Jolie, Jackman, Pfeiffer, Madonna? It's on in 2021, baby.

GH: Okay, I have to ask about Jesse James.

LB: You don't have to but go on. I got this.

GH: Okay, so would you mind being raised by him with the controversy, Nazi stuff and all?

LB: Look, not long ago I was headed for a life no one would envy, then the goodness of this woman saved me. She's got a big heart but I don't know if it's that big. But for me, I'm all about forgiveness. It's the way you know. Then again I shit my pants, so consider the source.

Copyright 2010

THE BLACK WOMAN BACKLASH AND THE WILLIE LYNCH LETTER

This Battle Of The Sexes Is A
War No One's Gonna Win.


I've had it, fellas.

I'm tired of all the finger-pointing, pontificating, soap-boxing and philosophizing about black women and why they are struggling with relationships.

I've had it, ladies.

I'm tired of all the whining, denial, accusation and unilateral logic that goes into why we are in this predicament.

And before you think to hit the comment button and except yourself from this discussion, I'm saying right now that no one is excepted. And I don't want to hear any "I'm talking about a certain group of women or men" either. This is just another cowardly dodge to hurl a dagger then hide behind subjectivity. I am generalizing as that is the only way to have an intellectual discussion and not place ourselves above the other inferior men and women who are not here-- and thereby we learn nothing.

We are all in this shit together.

There is a backlash against black women. If you Google "black relationships" you will find an avalanche of articles talking about how black women can't find men and then going on to outline why.

All of the attention has focused on women this time, their attitudes, their weight, their hair, their outlook, their sexuality, their spirituality or lack of it.

A generation ago, it was black men who were the scapegoats for the crumbling black family and culture. All of the articles were about how deficient, stupid, lazy and evil we were and how women were the innocent victims. Now it's the other way around with black women being cast as arrogant, man-hating vagina tyrants and black men as put upon good guys just looking for love.

It's bullshit. And we all know it.

Everyone in America is struggling with relationships. The overall numbers are not good for any group but as usual for us, the stats are devastating.

I have a radical suggestion for you fellas: Maybe women are not to blame.

And ladies I have the same suggestion for you: Maybe the men are not at fault.

Who would benefit from black men and women going at one another? Certainly not us.

In 1712, a man named Willie Lynch purportedly gave a speech outlining a plan that would forever keep the black slave weak, ignorant, dependent and self-hating. This plan went into effect and stayed there for over a hundred years. This is the sum of it:
Don't forget you must pitch the dark skinned slaves versus. the light skin slaves. You must use the female versus the male, and the male versus, the female. My plan is guaranteed, and the good thing about this plan is that if used intensely for one year the slave will remain perpetually distrustful.

After we were freed, our minds remained enslaved to this conditioning. Over the years, we have rebelled against it, fighting it with "black power," "black is beautiful" "say it loud" and the like.

And even with all of our enlightenment, we cannot see that the current trend in sister-bashing is just another evolution of Willie Lynch's genius and an opportunity for pandering dumb-asses to empty their bitterness and relationship failure into mean-spirited discussion.

Willie knew if women believed they were greater than their men that we'd never see eye to eye and no man would ever be good enough.

Willie knew that if black men hated themselves, and were denied opportunity to provide for their families, they would naturally turn away from their compliment and no black woman would ever be good enough.

And the real innovation of Lynch is that the program was self-perpetuating, that is, they only had to do it once and then we'd do it to ourselves.

Fellas, I guarantee you that if every black woman became submissive, skinny, white-looking and freaky it would not solve your problems in this country.

Ladies, I guarantee you that if every black man grew to 6"5, wealthy, God-fearing and endlessly romantic it would not solve your problems.

Unless we all release the Big Lie.

You see, if we turn away from all of the conditioning that teaches us to hate ourselves and punish all desire connected to ethnicity, then we effectively reboot our brains and our hearts.

Then we are everything we want and everything we need.

Because we set the standard.

Not those who would control us.

copyright 2010

OCHOCINCO PROPOSES TO TRANSPARENT WOMAN!

After Being Accused Of Throwing All
The Black Women Off His Dating Show,
The Flamboyant Footballer Finds The
"Ultimate White Woman."


NEW YORK - Ochocinco has finally found love. Chad Johnson who legally changed his name to his player number for the Cincinnati Bengals, proposed marriage to Kauncha Siamee, a model who was born with a rare skin disease that makes her transparent.

Ochocinco popped the question on the streets on Manhattan where he and his girlfriend turned heads and stopped traffic. Siamee's skin is see through so you can see all her organs and bones.

"It was beautiful," said one onlooker. "He dropped to his knee and everything."

"That was some sick shit," said another witness. "That bitch looks like the chart in my doctor's office."

Ochocinco became famous for a stint on ABC's Dancing With The Stars and a reality dating show where he dates multiple women.

But right after the show started, Ochocinco was accused of hating black women and preferring white ones on the show and in real life.

"I have a preference," said Ochocinco on The Wendy Williams Show. "And I'm entitled to like what I like. People should love me regardless of how ignorant I am."

Williams took exception, reminding the self-centered fake celebrity that his mother was black and that he is black too. Ochocinco didn't seem to think this was important.

Black women were angry with the sports star, noting that black women can be just as cheap and sleazy as white women and deserve the chance to whore themselves on national TV in an equal fashion.

"He's an idiot!" said LaTwindabenitta Nelson of Brooklyn. "I tried out for the show and was rejected. He said my name was ghetto. Ain't that a bitch. His name is a number and really it's wrong. Eighty-five in Spanish is ochenta y cinco, not ocho cinco, fool. Your name is eight five, dumb ass."

Ochocinco deflects the controversy saying that he loves everybody but he just loves white women more and what's wrong with that? In the end he is happy just to be with his new love.

"I'm in heaven!" said Ochocinco. "She's so white, I can't even see her!"

copyright 2010.