TRUE STORY OF UNFRIENDING. This happened earlier this year and I just never thought to share but what the hell, not like they're gonna see it. I took the names off and corrected the typos for your reading pleasure.
EX FB FRIEND: Hey, did you unfriend me? I just noticed.
ME: Yes, I did.
EX FB FRIEND: Can I ask why?
ME: Well, of course you can because you just did. I delete friends from time to time who never comment on my page or write anything I feel is funny or interesting.
EX FB FRIEND: I post all the time. Everyday. So, you don't like my posts, okay fine. I think that's kinda silly. I enjoy your page sometimes.
ME: Mostly you post selfies in tight dresses. And before you say it, I don't have any kind of problem with that. However, there was one post that I confess just got on my nerves and made me consider that I didn't need it on my little news scroll each day.
EX FB FRIEND: And what was that? Not that I care.
ME: Well, you posted that your 12 year old daughter asked you not to wear those tight dresses when her friends came over, that it took away attention from her at that awkward age (my words not hers) but you wore the dress anyway and acted shocked that the little boys who came to the party flocked around you. The butt grazing dress was not what bothered me, it was the look on your daughter's face that broke my heart. The look on the little boys faces made me wish you lived on my street when I was a kid.
EX FB FRIEND: You know, all that is really none of your business.
ME: It is when you publicize it. I worry about the state of our world, the deterioration of society and the death of music and I am frustrated that I can't do anything about it. But what I can do is not bear witness to some innocent kid getting twerked into a psychological complex by her mother. So, I changed the thing I have power over.
EX FB FRIEND: Whatever. You are a real smartass. I'm glad you unfriended me. No loss.
ME: At least we agree on that.