OCCUPY HEAVEN

Millions Gather At Churches And Religious Landmarks to Protest The Rebuke Of A Reward In The Afterlife.

Along with the protest against greed has come a bigger movement. Occupy Heaven is upset that the new Christianity, Prosperity Ministry, has silently killed the idea that Heaven is your reward. For the last fifty years, the Christian church has become more interested in wealth than souls and as a result, it has been corrupted to its core.

One Occupy member said: "The only difference between Wall Street and the church is, your teenaged son might be safe on Wall Street."

So, In a startling move, God has closed Heaven.

The Almighty is upset that Christians now believe that their reward for good behavior is found on Earth and in things made by men and not in ideals proposed by The Word.

Occupy Heaven is trying to get God to change his mind and re-open Heaven by turning on a fallen church.

"This has got to stop!" says Bill Brown, 35, of Atlanta. "Each week, I go to church looking for salvation and wisdom and all I get is cynical sermons about "money blessings. Last week my minister's sermon was entitled The ATM of Faith. I wanted to strangle him with his shiny suit."

The movement is global, with protesters jamming the doors of cathedrals all over the world. More than 3 million people filled Vatican City last week for a vigil.

The Pope issued a statement saying that the Catholic Church has never abandoned the idea of Heaven. The Pontiff then agreed that as long as we foolishly place faith in men, money and material, we violate the First Commandment and Heaven should remained closed. He did not, however agree to Occupy's request to get rid of "that smoking purse and the shiny dresses."

St. Peter, guardian of the Gates To Heaven, had this to say: "It's a shame. After thousands of years, people all of a sudden back off faith for money, fame and status? It's ridiculous. By the way, I'm out of work now, what's up with that Jobs Bill?"

But some people believe Heaven is outdated. "Man, it's like that 17 virgins thing," said Reverend Curtis Currency of the Unity Church in Alabama. "Be good and go to some place with clouds and Angels? That's crazy talk. God wants you to be happy now and have the things that make you feel good now."  When asked what he thought happened when we died, Rev. Currency said: "I don't know but I'm sure there's some kind of nice car involved."

Millions in the Occupy movement called upon God to respond and he did through tweets he sends to an obscure writer:

"Heaven is the wellspring of eternity, the only thing worthy of your faith and soul. It is no joke-- and neither am I." - retweeted from God.

For now, Heaven remains closed and no one will pass into its eternal bliss as long as we continue to believe as we do.

Reverend Baker Donovan of Maine put it best: "We are free to worship as we like in America, but God's Nation is not a democracy and there is no amending His Constitution. Only in service of His Word can we truly Occupy Heaven.

copyright 2011