FOR SALE: THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS

We all know that the seven deadly sins are PRIDE, ENVY, GLUTTONY, LUST, ANGER, GREED and SLOTH. But did you know that we market each sin in societal policy?  

As I stated in my brilliant blog The Human Debt Ceiling, the unholy trinity of Materialism, Ignorance and Faithlessness is killing our nation.  Here is more specific proof of that theory.

PRIDE is excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. While America has slipped to middling in every indicator as a world power, we are #1 when it comes to confidence. We go about stating that "America is still the best and talking abour "Exceptionalism."  And we say it, tweet it, text it and watch it on machines made in China. 

America markets Pride by being in denial about our slipping fortunes.  The day we stepped away from civility, humanity and caring for our fellow man was the day we ceased to be the best.  If pride does indeed cometh before the fall, then it won't be-eth very fucking long.

GREED is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual.  Wall Street and Washington are 24 hour Greed Machines. These two entites conspired to execute the biggest crime in the history of our nation.  

And we have all been suckered by "prosperity ministry."  For the last time people, God is not an ATM machine.

America markets greed to us by saying that greed is good and rewarding greedy people and never calling bullshit on the unholy connection between the church and covetedness.

ENVY is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation.  This one is right in front of your face each day.  The reality show.  We envy celebrities because they seem to have a great life.  But we forgot celebrity was once attained with talent.  But since we lowered the bar, accepted greed and gave in to false pride, now everyone thinks they can and should be a star.

America markets Envy by promoting greed and pride which allows anyone to covet the status and life of another.  We used to accept our lot in life by the grace of God.  Now, we think if "I can just show my ass in the right place I can be famous and get paid." 

GLUTTONY is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.  Most people think of food when they see this one.  But most gluttony is in the form of consuming and indulging in everything to excess. 

America markets Gluttony in all things American.  Nothing can be too big, too flashy or too much.  We have to have the biggest car, house and fake breasts.  And it's okay because, you guessed it, we're the best and we deserve anything we can get by any means because God wants us to have it here on earth.

But if you insist on the old world definition, America is the second fattest nation in the world behind Kuwait.

SLOTH is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.  Lazy comes right after fat in this country. Americans used to have a work ethic that found us connecting our occupation in spirit and thankfulness. Now, we all just want to get paid without working or having talent. (seen Envy above)  And as for spiritual work, well, that's too hard.  It easier to believe that God wants to give you stuff.

America markets Sloth by talking about exceptionalism but promoting dependency and then blasting you when you become dependent.  It also tells you that solthfullness is a right and evil men are trying to take it from you.

LUST is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.  From bimbo news anchors to lingerie for kids, America had pushed its head into its genitals and will not come out.  But the best evidence of this is the Celebrity Ho.  How did Kim Kardashinan and Paris Hilton both screw all over the internet and then get to come into you child's bedroom at night?  Our young girls are sexualized at an early age and so inevitably pedophilia is now on the rise.

America markets lust by selling all other sins with it.

ANGER spurns love.  We hate each other.  For over thousand of years we've been trying to figure out how to love  each other and all we do is cling to the silly belief that one person is somehow better than another due to some superficial trait.  And because we hate each other, it has been easy for people to divide us and thereby sell us the other six Deadly Sins.

American markets anger buy turning its citizens toward prejudice and bigotry and away from God and while we fight, they steal the world from us.

Copyright 2011

OCCUPY HEAVEN

Millions Gather At Churches And Religious Landmarks to Protest The Rebuke Of A Reward In The Afterlife.

Along with the protest against greed has come a bigger movement. Occupy Heaven is upset that the new Christianity, Prosperity Ministry, has silently killed the idea that Heaven is your reward. For the last fifty years, the Christian church has become more interested in wealth than souls and as a result, it has been corrupted to its core.

One Occupy member said: "The only difference between Wall Street and the church is, your teenaged son might be safe on Wall Street."

So, In a startling move, God has closed Heaven.

The Almighty is upset that Christians now believe that their reward for good behavior is found on Earth and in things made by men and not in ideals proposed by The Word.

Occupy Heaven is trying to get God to change his mind and re-open Heaven by turning on a fallen church.

"This has got to stop!" says Bill Brown, 35, of Atlanta. "Each week, I go to church looking for salvation and wisdom and all I get is cynical sermons about "money blessings. Last week my minister's sermon was entitled The ATM of Faith. I wanted to strangle him with his shiny suit."

The movement is global, with protesters jamming the doors of cathedrals all over the world. More than 3 million people filled Vatican City last week for a vigil.

The Pope issued a statement saying that the Catholic Church has never abandoned the idea of Heaven. The Pontiff then agreed that as long as we foolishly place faith in men, money and material, we violate the First Commandment and Heaven should remained closed. He did not, however agree to Occupy's request to get rid of "that smoking purse and the shiny dresses."

St. Peter, guardian of the Gates To Heaven, had this to say: "It's a shame. After thousands of years, people all of a sudden back off faith for money, fame and status? It's ridiculous. By the way, I'm out of work now, what's up with that Jobs Bill?"

But some people believe Heaven is outdated. "Man, it's like that 17 virgins thing," said Reverend Curtis Currency of the Unity Church in Alabama. "Be good and go to some place with clouds and Angels? That's crazy talk. God wants you to be happy now and have the things that make you feel good now."  When asked what he thought happened when we died, Rev. Currency said: "I don't know but I'm sure there's some kind of nice car involved."

Millions in the Occupy movement called upon God to respond and he did through tweets he sends to an obscure writer:

"Heaven is the wellspring of eternity, the only thing worthy of your faith and soul. It is no joke-- and neither am I." - retweeted from God.

For now, Heaven remains closed and no one will pass into its eternal bliss as long as we continue to believe as we do.

Reverend Baker Donovan of Maine put it best: "We are free to worship as we like in America, but God's Nation is not a democracy and there is no amending His Constitution. Only in service of His Word can we truly Occupy Heaven.

copyright 2011

EVERYTHANG IS RACIST (Updated)

America Has Always Had Problems, But One Notion Seems To Always Be The Icing On The Cake.

The title of this piece comes from my old barber in Detroit. During a conversation about politics, he uttered the now famous line.

"Shut the hell up man, everythang is racist!"

He didn't mean it literally, of course.  What he was saying was that race is so intertwined, connected and fused to the bones of American life, that it seems to touch and concern every problem we have.

As I look back at our history and assess our current dilemmas, it is clear he has a point.

Slavery of course was the beginning of it all.  But before the evil practice, men and women of color held positions of power and authority and were integrated into society without much incident.  As we all know, the first President of the pre-United States was black. Also, little known is that President Warren G. Harding was the great grandson of a black woman. If Obama is Black then so is my man Warren G.

In the beginning, the connection of race was clear. Laws like the Fugitive Slave Act, the Kansas/Nebraska Act, Missouri Compromise, Dred Scott Case were all linked to race.  But some were more subtle, like the Electoral College. 

In his excellent book, A Renegade History Of The United States, historian Thaddeus Russell lays out documented proof that race and race relations have been and still are one of the predominant forces of American politics, economy and social structure.  

In successive and repetitive waves, Russell shows how one ethnic minority after another communed with blacks, "borrowed" their culture, then ascended into "respectability" where they assumed the intense bigotry of the dominant culture.

Over the years, our inability to address the sin of racism, even after a bloody civil war, has put us into a dangerous stage of denial wherein white America sought to have the benefits of murder and oppression without the guilt and the moral debt and Black America, even while attaining some socio-economic mobility, has never been able to push beyond the gravitational pull of self-hatred, self-destruction and disunity.

And so now we all hide behind euphemism, innuendo, suggestion and rhetoric when we talk about the ugly, sustained notion of racial inferiority.  Predatory lending, professional sports slavery, AltRight, Occupy Wall Street, The Help, Police shootings and The Hunger Games all have race somewhere in their core.  

And most recently, the election of a clearly non-white President unleashed a racial tidal wave like this country has not seen since the 1960's. The ugly depictions and statements about the President  made even some of his detractors cringe. And now after his departure, America has elected, under the guise of an outsider, yet another oblivious old white man who seeks to make America Great again by returning to the horrific practices that subjugated millions of people.

I ask you, if a simple barber saw to the core of our society's ills, why can't our leaders? Indeed, why can't any of us?

And as bias becomes more the norm each day, I wonder if my humble barber may have been even smarter than he knew, for if I accept his premise metaphorically, I am left with a startling and logical conclusion:

If everythang is racist...

Then nothing is.

copyright 2012

JESUS 2.0

A fundamental Shift In Christianity Has Changed The Promise Of God From Eternal Life To Earthly Guarantee.

When I was a kid,  my minister was a young man who was thought of as a radical.  He warned us young ones to resist those who would change the doctrines of God and he slammed all other religious men and women who asked for money first then thought of saving souls.

Souls.

Remember when Christianity was about your immortal soul? Now Christianity has taken a radical shift from heavenly reward to earthly blessing. This is supported by passages in the Bible but we know the Bible supports many things, some good others not so good.  

As Americans have become more self-centered, selfish and materialistic, so has our perception of God. The war that is going on now in society, culture and politics reflects this. Suddenly, we have the two camps of extremes. One that sees no limits on man's behavior and the other that sees only limitation. Most of us are right in the middle, just trying to be good and make it to Heaven.

Heaven.

Remember when that was our goal?  Now, it's something for old people. Young Christians talk about "blessings and prosperity"-- right now.

The New Jesus, wants you to have stuff more than he wants you to go to Heaven. He wants you to join the religious social order, march along, then claim your Bentley, hot spouse and vacation home. Jesus 2.0 wants your heaven to be here on earth.

And the corruption, the greed, avarice and boy rape doesn't mean there's a problem in the church. Life is complicated and the flesh is weak. So if you're waving a Bible but have your other hand up some boy's ass, I will not judge you. I'll pray for you while I'm asking for stuff. And if you sin but have money, well then it's a wash.

I could be wrong, but I don't think Jesus died so that I could have man's earthly inventions. I thought His sacrifice was a pact, a passage for us to enter the Kingdom of Heaven and life was the test of your faith.

Christianity is the safeguard, the firewall that is supposed to prevent us from forgetting this. Jesus 1.0 taught us that God is not convenient and you don't get to just change Him when it gets hard. You conform to Him or go to Hell.

Jesus 2.0, the convenient Savior, teaches a gospel made by weak people for weaker minds. It is a religious iPad with hundreds of apps that bring easy living and guiltless indulgence. These are Jesus 2.0's Ten Commandments:

1. Honor God and he will give you earthly prosperity.

2. People who have money are blessed.

3. Money erases sin and abates criticism of its possessor.

4. Thou shalt not covet when you can pray for what you want.

5. Thou shalt not commit adultery but you can fornicate your ass off.

6. Thou shalt not kill-- or snitch on a killer.

7. Thou shalt not lie unless it leads to a blessing.

8. Thou shalt not hate on another person for being blessed.

9. Remember the Sabbath, that's all, just remember it.

10. Honor thy mother and thy father. Thy children?-- not so much.

As we fall from grace, we do not grab God as a lifeline, we use Him to cushion ourselves against the hard ground of faithlessness. See, if we reinterpret The Word as we change, then it is always what we want it to be.  After all, no one really knows the mind of God, right? So then maybe He wants us to change doctrine every few hundred years to suit our changes.  

The question is, are you willing to bet your soul on it?

Copyright 2012

INTERVIEW WITH OLD TESTAMENT GOD

We often forget about the God of the Flood. He kicked butt, took names and brought the pain. He did not like coveting and cared about people right down to their ass and their ox.

I met Old Testament God (OTG) at a Starbucks in Century City. He was turning heads as usual, mostly because he had just turned a banker into a pillar of salt.

GARY: So, what did that banker do?

OTG: He cut the line. Also, I hate bankers.

GARY: Let's start there. How can God hate?

OTG: All this loving benevolent stuff was man's invention. Read my book. Wrath, fire, death that's how I roll.

GARY: Yes, so why did you change?

OTG: Why does any Father change? I had kids.

GARY: Yes, Jesus. Thanks, by the way.

OTG: No problem. He's a good boy. After you guys crucified him, he talked me out of destroying the world. (LAUGHS) The things you do for your kids. So, I decided that maybe I should follow his example and spread love.

GARY: It's not going so well.

OTG: Tell me about it. You people are worse than ever! We have more sin than we did in the middle ages and them dudes had the Inquisition. It's like the whole world has turned into Baltimore.

GARY: So, I hear you are coming back, I mean going back to the old testament ways.

OTG: Sorry but I have to do it. It's the only thing you people understand. We tried the love thing and look what it got us. Celebrity murderers, sex as recreation, marriage as some kind of joke and people perverting My Word and My Existence to please themselves. Makes me want to dry up the oceans and you do not want to know what's down there.

GARY: So, what are your plans?

OTG: First, I'm going to turn all the atheists into hamburgers and glasses of water. This will solve world hunger and drought problems. Then I'm going to get rid of all the distractions and vices. Sorry but smoke 'em if you got 'em because soon there won't be none.

GARY: What about sex?

OTG: Oh that's still cool as long as you get married first. If you don't, you'll be going to Hell faster than you can say debt ceiling.

GARY: What do you think about that?

OTG: Nothing. Because I just turned all the politicians into ham sandwiches two minutes ago.

GARY: So what about Gay Marriage?

OTG: Excuse me, what does the Old Testament say?

GARY: Says it's wrong but--

OTG: End of story.

GARY: But is also says slavery is cool and people should not wear mixed fibers.

OTG: Sorry but the word is the word. You don't like it, find another God, oh that's right, THERE ISN'T ONE! Hey, what's that shirt made of?

GARY: 100% cotton. So basically, the party's over?

OTG: You know it and to celebrate, I'm creating a new Commandment. This time there's only one: I AM THE LORD THY GOD. AND I AIN'T NO JOKE.

GARY: Amen.

OTG: You got that right.

Copyright 2011

JESUS CALLS BULLS**T ON PROSPERITY RELIGION!

The Savior Is Fed Up With Prosperity Ministry, Hypocrites And Preachers Named After Money.

LAS VEGAS - The world was shocked today when Jesus, revealed Himself and stated that He was angry about the current state of religion in His name. The Savior indicates that if something doesn't change soon, He may have to "exert himself in this realm." No one knows what that means but everyone is afraid of what it can mean. Jesus was apparently feeling very "old testament."

Jesus was seen in Las Vegas and said he came there to make a point then noted that it is no longer Sin City.

The Son was asked to leave several casinos because every time He entered, everybody won at every game they were playing. The Wynn was hit for $27 million in less than an hour and had to close its doors.

Jesus then took to the street and addressed thousands of excited people as he spoke against the idea of prosperity religion.

Prosperity ministry is a form of Christianity that teaches people that they will be rewarded on Earth for godly acts and faith. Before this teaching, Christians were told that their reward was in the next life.




In the last few decades there was been an erosion of the church marked by sexual scandal, financial thievery and all manner of sin. At the same time, church attendance is down and in the black community, black men have literally disappeared from the houses of worship.

Jesus, no stranger to controversy, spoke on this subject and had this to say:

"There is nothing in this life worthy of your faith except The Father. Any force of the human spirit given to any earthly thing is misplaced and any love focused in the first instance away from God is a rebuke of His First Law."

Divinity experts say that this quote means that Jesus considers any faith placed on anything in this life a violation of the First Commandment "Thou shall have no Gods before me."

"We are reminded that money was not cited as the root of all evil but the love of money," said Dr. Rev. Arthur Young, a scholar and pastor of First Cathedral Church in Nevada. "God wants your love first and I don't think he's willing to compromise. We are so glad Jesus is back and my flock will heed his words."

Jesus spoke for over two hours about love, life and the concept of eternity. He took a few digressions to say that he was not fond of politicians who use His name in vain, reality shows and people who put self-serving Bible quotes on their Facebook pages.



But not everyone is in agreement. Rev. Creflo Dollar and Joel Osteen, noted prosperity ministers say they doubt this man is really Jesus. "We are trying to help people by letting them see that God can make their lives better," said Osteen from his $8 million dollar church. "Is it wrong to have a church that asks for money every week and tells people that God will give them that money back ten fold? I don't think so. I think it's good and I think God loves money, too."

"If this man is really Jesus," said Dollar from his G3 jet, "then why don't he come to my church? God wouldn't have created money if it wasn't good, right? I mean is a man not godly because he wears a $3,000 suit, has lots of jewelry, two Rolls Royces, a Jet and two mansions...." Dollar started rambling and then his wife pulled him away saying he was late for a sermon.

Jesus did not respond to either man but reminded us that when He was betrayed, Judas was not given power or even jewels, he was given man-made money. Then He made one last statement:

"You cannot see God with a doubtful heart nor hear Him with a doubtful spirit. The tragedy of the faithless is that God will always love them but they will never know His Grace."

Copyright 2011

A GOOD SCARE

WHAT SCARES US SAYS A LOT ABOUT WHO WE ARE AND WHAT WE BELIEVE IN.

It's that time of year again when we contemplate all things scary. I know, nothing is scarier than politics, but I want to talk about our society, culture and what frightens us as human beings.

When I was a kid, we were scared of Dracula, Frankenstein's monster and the Wolfman. Now in the movies, people have sex with vampires and werewolves and The Mummy is an action comedy.

Why don’t monsters scare us anymore?

People need to be afraid. It’s basic human psychology. We face our fears, then defeat them. Good versus Evil.

But look at what scares us now: Jason, Freddie, Michael Meyers—all human. It, Meagan, Saw, Hostel, Paranormal Activity, Zombies—all human. And those people dressing as creepy clowns all over the U.S. are just deeply disturbed men.

I guess the scariest thing in human life now are other humans.

I have a theory about this. See, old school monsters were really about God. You remember him, The Almighty, Heavenly Father and what not. Well, all of the old scary stuff was about God and those who dared oppose Him.

Dracula was a man who renounced God and was cursed. The Wolfman was cursed as well and The Mummy defied death only to return to life, you guessed it, cursed. Frankenstein’s monster was an abomination as a man tried to emulate God. And what hurt them? Crucifixes, Holy Water, silver (purity) and fire (holy purification). In the end, good triumphed, always.

Now, we are afraid of our next door neighbor, Wall Street Bankers and idiots on Youtube who rant about getting rid of society's dead weight. And what's scarier than Kanye West or Brittany Spears' mental breakdowns?

Does this mean that we’ve lost faith, people?

Before you poo-poo me, let me dazzle you with more nerdy horror facts. Dracula moved to London for love of his lost wife, Frankenstein’s monster only wanted a mate, (hence the sequel, Bride Of Frankenstein) The Wolfman killed impulsively but could not kill the woman he loved and yes, The Mummy came to life for his queen. The evil monsters sought to be God-like by possessing God’s greatest gift, love. In the end, this led them to their demise.

Today’s monster lives down the street, hacks up bad actresses in the shower then comes back for the bad sequel.

So here's the deep part: in the past, our fear was losing our soul, now it's losing our life. If we treasure earthly life more than our immortal soul, then truly we have lost our faith in whatever God we believe in.

I guess what's really scary is this blog, huh?

I still believe that good beats evil in life and death. Keep your mindless slasher. Give me an old-fashioned vampire—with his clothes on.

Copyright 2016

MY LETTER FROM GOD

Dear Gary:

You’re going to hell.

Just kidding!

There are some things I want to say to the world and well, for reasons that only I know, I don’t want to say them directly. So every once in a while, I pick a mortal such as yourself and tell him. Then I watch as he tries to get people to believe him. I get a kick out of this. That Moses and the tablets thing still makes me LMAO!

What’s up with the wars in my name? I don’t condone war. What you probably don’t know is that I’m not against them, either. I don’t do petty organic damage. All that killing and stuff, that’s on you guys. Tell people God ain’t with it and they can stop anytime they like.

Also, Harry Potter. Didn’t like it. None of them. Actually, I don’t like any book. I always know the ending. You see, that’s why I love people. I don’t know where thIs whole Free Will thing is going. It’s exciting, like when Mary Jane dies at the end of Spiderman 4— Oops.

I like reality shows. I don’t watch them, but I think it’s hilarious that people with real lives don’t appreciate how interesting they can be and so they watch the fake real lives of other people. Please tell everyone that the real sin is not enjoying the life I gave them.

Speaking of life. Let's talk about sex. I think it's one of My better inventions and it sure is in demand (Kudos to China). And thank everyone for thinking of Me so much while they do it. Calling out my name loudly is nice. I'm not fond of the cursing right after, though.

And as far as religion is concerned, I just want to remind everyone that you shouldn’t put too much stock in it. Religion is just a process by which you try to understand Me. It is not Me. And it sure isn’t silk robes, smoking purses and stoning women because they showed an elbow in public. Ultimately, religion is just a lot of writing in books and well, you already know how I feel about that.

And finally, the meaning of life: Gilligan’s Island. Everything you need to know is on that show. Although I can’t tell you why the Skipper never lost any weight. Don’t be stupid, don’t be greedy, don’t be seduced, don’t be too innocent, don’t have too much pride and don’t try to turn a radio into a transmitter and you can get off the island.

Well, that’s it and you really are going to hell.

Gotcha again!

Sincerely,

Me Almighty

MY EMAIL FROM SATAN

To: "Hardwick, Gary"
From: "Satan, Prince Of Darkness"
Re: Whasuuuuup!

Dear Gary,

God tells me you’re coming here. Is He joking? I can never tell.

Anyway, just wanted to drop you a line since He did. I know I’m imitating, but as you may have heard, I have Father Issues. Since you posted his letter on Facebook, I just wanted you to tell the people some things about me as well:

I am not some scary monster with hooves and horns and a tail-- okay I do kinda have a tail but there are people with uni-brows and third nipples. And that “Octo Mom? How gross is she?!

Hell is not some fiery pit with writhing bodies, sulfur and demons. We are just in a place where His grace does not reach. It’s kinda like Baltimore or Hollywood with a few more agents. Anyway, it’s fun down here! Our annual "Hellapalooza" is great. We have the Original Sin Olympics, The 10 Commandments Break-A-Thon and a beauty contest where we crown a new Miss Behaving. Then we go to Hitler’s nightclub, which is off the chiz-zain! Did I say that right? I love black slang. Hell, I love black people—taste like chicken. Just kiddin’!

Also, I am not The Great Deceiver, The Father of Lies and all that. I don’t do much of anything. Like God I stay out of it and let you guys do what you want. But I could be lying. If I was a liar then I’d say I wasn’t, to fool you, then again, I’d be telling the truth about lying proving that I wasn’t a liar, but that might be a deception as well....

... Where was I?

Oh yeah, sin. Look all I can really say is, I think things are going my way. Just look at the world. Everybody chooses different names for the same God and then kills you if you disagree! I love it and this suicide bombing business is like butter.

I do have one big beef, though. I’m the guy who made sex fun. Sure God created it but I made it wrong thus intensifying the pleasure. And what thanks do I get? You guys yell out His name. That’s like eating a Big Mac and yelling out “Wendy’s!” So just try it next time. Yell my name when you do it. And hey, I don’t mind the cursing afterwards.

Also, please don’t refer to me as The Devil. The name is Satan. It was an angel name until I got that bad press. Man, you try to kill God one time and suddenly you’re treated like Kim Kardashian at a “smart virgin” meeting. People should know that I am still an angel; I just have a little baggage. I want to make Satan a beautiful name again like Thistle or Dakota Fanning.

And the meaning of life. I know He told you that nonsense about Gilligan’s Island. But come on, we all know that life is the execution of your commitment to God by the use of Free Will, thus freeing your God-like immortal soul to be Reborn into His Eternity.

Or it’s The Brady Bunch. I can’t be sure.

Well, that’s it. I have to go. People are starting to wake up about this whole war business and I have to make sure that no one realizes we all have the same purpose. Man, you have no idea how hard it’s been keeping everyone mad at each other.

Take care and-- see you soon?

Sincerely,

Gilligan, I mean Satan (LOL)