a thousand words

Thursday, January 27, 2011


The Problems Of Black Men Pale In Comparison To The Solution.

As I have previously written, Black women lose about ten years of their life chasing the illusion of male equality. Black men lose about twice as much time chasing the similar false god. Our problem it seems is that we have a misguided notion of racial equality.

Instead of elevating our maleness through love, family faith and the execution of these three things in support of our children and spouses, we believe that we are somehow entitled to an exalted position in life based on the possession of male anatomy. This is the notion of white male America and it may well be true for them but it sure as hell ain’t true for us and it never has been.

In fact, black men have created a new paradigm for maleness in which the opposite of decent behavior is celebrated.

Now here is where I’m supposed to go back to the plantation and make the same tired ass excuses about slavery, discrimination and the war on the brothers. Consider it said. Let’s ask the question that is never asked: why do we not resist the call of temptation? Why have so many black men stumbled while others have not? And why have black women excelled when they have been subjected to the same racism as men with sexism heaped on top?

It’s The Deathly Hallows.

In Harry Potter, the Hallows were tempting magical talismans that brought power. For black men, the Hallows are temptations to violence, worthlessness and prurience. Black men have fallen into these traps, committing crimes and going into the (for profit) prison system, abandoning their children and spouses and losing their spirit in the exchange and elevating sex from relationship mission, to life mission.

I don’t disagree when people say there are powers in our society out to get black men. But I do disagree that the effort has been successful because our enemies are so smart. Most of the time, we are just ignorant and weak.

I could do a laundry list of black male sins but why? I am all about thinking differently, you know. So, there are two things I want to address. One is a particularly irritating phenomenon and the other is of course, how we can bring about change.

One of the biggest problems in our community is not the undesirable black man but the desirable one who’s full of shit. The temptation of the Hallows has left a class of men in the relationship catbird’s seat. There now exists a world where for every one man in college there are 3 women-- or more.

So you’d think these lucky guys would just take the cream from the top of black femininity and move on, right? No. They decide that life isn’t about family, love and faith. They decide that it’s about sex, money and running from anything that leads to responsibility. They are arrogant, full of themselves and worst of all, refuse to commit, even to women who are bringing a lot to the table. They are picky and want women who are rich, beautiful, supportive, good cooks, even-tempered, sexually dynamic, socially adept and able to maintain a tiny waist and a big butt without ever gaining weight. And still they won't marry you.

Are you kidding me? Get over yourself. And stop asking me to cosign your bullshit. I won’t do it. I won’t buy into your lie. You are not handsome, smart and dynamic. You are plain, boring, not too bright-- and very fortunate. I’m sorry fellas, but if you are forty or fifty and you’ve never been married you are an asshole, gay or a billionaire.

Like any man, I’d love a life where I could just work, get laid and never face anything remotely scary or challenging. Moreover, I’d like to spend this time with women who are demure and accommodating. So why do some men go this route and others do not. I can only tell you what’s in my head and what I know about myself.

You see, I know that somewhere in my DNA there is a slave who remembers that work is pain and challenge is death. He remembers how good it is to get high on corn liquor and forget the humiliation he’s endured and the theft of his manhood. Somewhere there’s a slave who was taught that it was okay to sleep with women and walk away because someone else will raise your children. And he remembers the struggle for his dignity and the generations it took to break him and the damage it inflicted on his self-worth.

Somewhere that slave waits for you to be tempted. He tells you it’s not your fault, he offers succor and explanations for everything. And every time you falter, you can so easily grab the Hallow, revert to that bad DNA and become the most wretched version of yourself.

The hardest thing a man ever has to do is to face himself and accept the history of what he is and then build a future on the best of himself, leaving behind the worst.

And we haven’t done it.

When did we lose it, fellas? When did we stop loving our mothers and ourselves? When did we stop seeing our women as an extension of our own greatness? When did we lose the cultural tradition that women were to be exalted and protected? When did the bad DNA become the definition of who we are and all we can do?

My father, a depression-era vet once said to me “being a man isn’t always about being happy.” For his generation, it meant that men took the burdens of life and their reward was the love and respect of their family, the community and God. And for women, having a man wasn’t an accessory to their life but a compliment to their value.

So if my dad was right, then what can we do? How do we resist and defeat the Hallows?

I will tell you in Part 2.


Copyright 2011