a thousand words

Friday, May 28, 2010

REPUBLICANS PROPOSE BILL TO OUTLAW THE SUN


OBAMA GET TAN, SO
GOP PASSES BILL TO OUTLAW THE SUN.

WASHINGTON D.C. – The 2012 election devastated the Republican Party.  Worse for the GOP, is that the new President was African American, a fact which has angered Republicans to no end.

Since Obama has taken office, Republicans have opposed everything he has advocated, without logic, reason or intelligence. From Health Care to the Supreme Court, if Obama wants it, the Republicans do not.

But the opposition may have gone to the level of the absurd. After the President stated that he often enjoyed sunning himself on vacation, Republicans have moved to ban the sun.

The bill, #SB 5735 was proposed by a consortium of Republican Senators from the south. It calls for the U.S. to outlaw all forms of sunshine and make any enjoyment of it a felony.

“We’ve been addicted to sunshine too long,” said former governor Sarah Palin. “What America needs and what God wants is an end to this evil star.”

When told that the sun provided warmth and basically sustained life on the planet, Palin was quick to point out that she has a five point plan to drill for oil, run a sub-space pipeline to the moon and set it on fire, effectively making a new sun.

“These people are bat-shit crazy,” said retired President Bill Clinton who just rescued two prisoners from North Korea. “I know the GOP is down, but this is lunacy. Can you hate a man so much because he’s black that you would propose something so preposterous?”

MIT Physics professor Robert K. Roth stated that even if we could stop the sun that the effect would be cataclysmic and the universe as we know it would end. GOP chairman Michael Steele said the statement was alarmist then asked if Roth was a Jewish name.

NAACP President Ben Jealous says that this is really a weird indication that racism is ending in America. “They are desperate. They can’t apply any stereotype to the President and all attempts to undermine him using old imagery and fear have failed. So now they just disagree with everything he says hoping to get some traction. It’s like the guy who loses at golf then breaks his club. The game is over.”

Perennial Republican loser Newt Gingrich disagrees. “Republican capacity for bias and fear is endless. As long as there is breath in our bodies, we will hate someone.”

The Senate Bill faces tough opposition especially from Floridians who don’t want to change their state’s name to the “Flaming Moon State.”